Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Gender disappontment

I watched a show on Sunday night called "8 boys and wanting a girl". It featured 4 moms, all of which had boys and wanted a girl.

One lady had 8 sons and had been trying for 21 years to have a girl. She and her husband did not want to get the girl by any "artificial" means. She was 43 at the time of the show and believe they were no longer trying.

The other 3 ladies had 4 boys each and wanted a girl. Two of the women had a varied form of IVF where they harvest your eggs and fertilize them in a dish and grow them up for a week. At that time they are 8 celled "beings" and you can tell the gender based on DNA at that time--which to me is amazing that at 1 week "gestation" the baby is already a he or she. They harvest the girls and implant them back in the mom. For each treatment, it is $20,000. One woman had it three times and the other had it twice I believe. For one woman it worked and she had twin girls. The other woman, who has already in her early 40s, did not take. They implanted the female egg back in, but I guess it didn't "stick". For the woman who did have the little girls, she doted on them and seemed to totally ignore her boys.

The other woman, who couldn't afford the IVF procedure, was 14 weeks at the time filming began. She had 4 little boys that were all about a year apart. As the show progressed, she went in to have her ultrasound and to find out the sex of the baby. As usual, they did an anatomy scan first and everything was perfect and the baby looked healthy. Then they looked to find the sex and it was another boy. The lady just started balling and her husband had to comfort her. The first thought that popped into my head was, OMG she has 4 healthy and happy kids and a fifth one on the way that looks to be perfect as well and here she is crying and carrying on.

Steve and I certainly "wanted" a boy, but in all honestly, I just wanted a healthy baby. If we had been told that I was having a girl, sure we would have been disappointed for a spilt second, but once that moment passed and everything looked good with the baby, I still would have been just as excited seeing "her" on the ultrasound as I was seeing Colton. There are plenty of women out there struggling to even conceive and these women are just doing it as a game so to speak. Babies are born will all kinds of illness and malformations and these ladies had 20 healthy babies and were still not satisfied.

My question here is, if you could choose, would you? I think that it can turn quite complicated if we begin to play "creator" for ourselves. Who says one gender is better than the other? We open it up for a "super gender" by doing this. If boys become the desired choice, will little girls think that something is wrong with them since they are not boys. We make so many choices in our everyday life, I found it quite refreshing to leave that "decision" up to someone else.


  1. I saw that show awhile back. I wish I could say I was shocked and sickened, but I can't. Gender disappointment has hit close in my family. My sister was one. She had two daughters from her first marriage, and she wanted a daughter with her husband, instead she has three wonderful little boys. I can't grasp it, nor do I want it. I didn't understand it while she was dealing with it, and I don't understand it now. All she kept saying it is like losing a child. *shrugs*

  2. I have that show saved on my dvr but I haven't watched it yet. I have 3 boys and though I certainly wanted a girl, too.... I wouldn't trade my boys for anything. And three is enough for us, so we're done.

    I've had people say to me "But if you KNEW your next one would be a girl, you would have another."

    Not true. Three is good for us.

    And the artificial methods of getting a girl- I just worry about what happens if they don't work. Does that child end up finding our that you paid a crazy amount of money trying to get a baby of the opposite gender and that it didn't work?

  3. I honestly don't understand it. I don't think I ever will. But, like with anything else, there are always people who will never be happy.

    I agree that a healthy baby is the best thing you could ever ask for when you get pregnant. Anything outside of that is just being greedy. I think we are all guilty of it on some level (we want good babies that sleep, etc...) but discriminating because of the baby's gender is just terrible. I hope and pray that all those little boys never grow up and watch that show. I think the parents will then truly regret having ever taken for granted their healthy little boys.

    I am also not a fan of playing God. I am not against fertility treatments but I think it's going to extremes. Having treatments done to end up with a specific gender is wrong. To me, it's no different than Octo-Mom.

  4. That's insane! I can understand gender dissapointment, but certainly not to that extent. I think that what you describe about the IVF procedures is completely unethical and should not even be legal!

    Did you happen to see the show where a family had a sick boy, so they went through IVF like you described in order to get cord blood that would potentially match their son? Each little fertilized egg was tested to see if it would be a match to the son's DNA. I even felt like that was creepy, but I guess it's hard to say until you are in that situation!

  5. Wow. I didn't see that show, but you totally got me thinking. When I got pregnant, I wanted a boy. We had no idea what we were going to have, so we had to wait until he came out. At different times in my pregnancy, I thought it was a boy, then a girl, then a boy, then a girl. I secretly did want a boy. Lord knows we don't need another me running around, but if I did have a girl, I would be blessed. The path that I walk isn't always my choice. But, it's my path and those who come into it, do so for a reason. It's gotta be sad to nver be satisfied. that's a ton of pressure. H

  6. Well I wanted boys, but would have been happy with girls. If we have a third it would be nice to have a little girl...but it would also be nice to have another boy. So I guess I don't understand. A child is a blessing whether a boy or girl. I can understand wanting a certain sex, but I can't understand being upset by getting the other if that baby is healthy.

  7. I have both although i think i am better with girls. I adore my little boy...Ok he is 8. not so small .LOL.
    I think people are never happy with what they have. The thing is there is something special about kids....I believe in Heaven and i think babies come from Heaven and that we have the kids perfect for us to learn and progress...There is some spirituality to it.
    I learn everyday to be happy with what i have because in one second it can be gone...
    GREAT blog ! I love what you write...Super cool !
    Happy blog hop and come follow me back when you can :)

  8. Oh did i say that i have been waiting for 2 years to have another baby...I am still happy...Things happen for us to learn...That's life :)

  9. I actually kind of wanted a girl first, but I love Austin SO MUCH and can't imagine what it would have been like to have had a a girl first. We want one more and we would like a girl so we are going to try the Shettles method, but I would never go as far as the IVF procedure. And in the end if we are blessed with another child and it's a boy I would be equally extatic!



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