Well I finally got some sleep last night. I usually take one Melatonin at night. Well last night, I took two and that seemed to help me somewhat. I remember waking up several times, but I was able to at least fall back asleep.
I know that lately this blog has been all "puppies and rainbows", but more serious and somewhat of a downer. I read other people's blog and it all happy and cheerful. That is just their writing style. Mine is more of a raw style to let other people in my situation remember that they are not ALONE. Alone is a very scary word. The idea that I am the only mom that struggles with being happy as she deals with her child is isolating. It is scary to wonder if I’m the only mom who tries to be gentle with her words, but most of the time fails miserably and raises her voice. Am I the only mom that has more “God, I really messed that up” followed by “Colton, Mommy was mean/rude/impatient will you please forgive me” moments than “Ha! Nailed that one. Good job” moments? I do admit I am not a patient person. If I am doing something, I want it done NOW. Sometimes I question if I should have even had a baby. Kids are not quick to do anything (except make a mess) and I have to keep reminding myself of that. It is a process--talking, potty training, they all take time and me getting EXTREMELY frustrated isn't going to make him do it any faster. In some ways, it will probably slow the whole process down. I appreciate the comments and those who offer advice because they have "been there and done that" and from those who are right there with me--going through the same process and having the same struggles. I have to remember that just because someone is writing about all the great accomplishments that their kids are having, there are probably 2 times the same amount of failures that they are just not "reporting".
This time will pass and I just ask everyone to bear with me while I get through it---